What Is It

What is it that made me so stupid
So rash and so desperate then
What is it that landed me in this bed
Where I must stay for weeks
Not that I can get up just yet
I remember that when I did
I fell over and just lengthened my stay
I don't want to do it again

What is it that made me so angry
What is it that made me so sad
What is it that made me so horrible
To all that I ever had
What is it that made me do this
What is it that made me cry
What is it that drove me to despair
And to want to die?

Perhaps I thought I'd be noticed in heaven
If I went there - more likely in hell
Perhaps I thought I'd be with people like me
Now that me seems a stranger, was I well?

Why can't I see in the right direction
Why can't I live and never die
Why can't I just smile and be happy
Why do I just break down and cry?

Written by Talia while she recovered in hospital after a suicide attempt, after exhausting most other means of drawing attention to herself.
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