Fear

It's not the thought, it's the fear
Not of the pain but of the damage
That's what drives me to this place
That's what drives me onward

It's not the thoughts running through my head
It's the fear of the coming dread
That's what makes me disobey
My own sense's advice today

It's not the thoughts that I despise
But my stupid self for such cowardice
That's what drives me to seem strong
When all I want to do is scream and run

Written in the school computer room just before my BCG injection. As expected, it *was* a right nuisence for ages, and I had to wear a dressing over that part of my arm for a while because it swelled up so much, but now you can barely see it. As I said, with injections and all such things I'm never afraid of the pain, it's the imagined damage that it might do that makes me scared.
Return to poetry index